Let’s Talk About Sex

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“Let Him Fly”
by Patty Griffin

“Ain’t no talking to this man.
Ain’t no pretty other side.
Ain’t no way to understand,
the stupid words of pride.
It would take an acrobat,
and I already tried all that.
I’m gonna LET HIM FLY”

– Patty Griffin

Let’s talk about sex.

wait…i’m trying to say…

Let’s talk about the ex.

(The one I told Chris Soules about…did u watch my 1 on 1 date with the sex guru?! HOLY MOLY?!?! That was INTENSE) Back to the ex…the one who never wanted to be “physical” with me years into our relationship. I have gotten A LOT of response to this. Women telling me that they COMPLETELY understand where I am coming from, gracefully and desperately asking for advice on what I did to overcome or change the situation.

Here is the truth.

I didn’t.

He broke up with me.

He told me that “he couldn’t give me what I needed.”

And I THANK GOD he did that. (cuz he couldn’t)

I wouldn’t have had the strength to do it myself.

When I first met him, I was like…”ew…I think he likes me…thats NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!” (always trust your GUT…but maybe be a little LESS judgemental) but…you know what DID happen? Let’s just say cruise ships have a limited number of options, and I coveted any company I could get 2 floors below the deck. Don’t get me wrong…he actually IS a really nice guy. He just never should have been in a relationship, with anyone right then.

I just wanted to be loved. Don’t we ALL just desperately want to be loved?!? We want validation from someone, to fill a void that has been empty from someone who has hurt us in the past. Are you a daddy issues/or mommy issues person?!?! I could raise my hand to one of those. Do you have an ex that stopped wanting to touch you at all? I can obviously raise my hand to that. Do any of u have an ex that used to use profane language that u still can’t get out of your head? (hand held high)
I once wrote

“he throws words instead of punches,
and she hurts,
wishing for bruises,
something to show,
a way of proving,
to let him know,
what he was doing”

I often ask myself why I allowed myself to think that I was not worthy of being treated well, or being loved. The answer I still struggle with. It’s a learned behavior. One I am breaking…DAILY.

I don’t want to go in detail about the specifics. They don’t matter. What DOES matter is this. Sex, physical connection, is IMPORTANT in ANY romantic relationship. If you believe in doing it before or after marriage, is up to you, but it IS a love language for a reason, and it is crucial. In my case, it was a normal thing for us…and then it was taken away…with his explanation of “I just don’t have the desire or urge”.

I questioned…

“is it me?”

“am i unattractive?”

“am i bad?”

“is this fair?”

“is he gay?”

And you know what. It WASN’T ME!!!!! (duhhhhh Carly) But it WAS my fault for letting someone else question myself as a beautiful and desirable woman. WE are BEAUTIFUL! WE are WHAT MEN DESIRE!! and WE HAVE DESIRES TOO!!! and WE are ALLOWED to feel this way!! It is our GOD given rite! Hello…Eve was made to keep Adam check right?!?! (haha i joke)

So I will leave you with this.

You ARE desired! You ARE wanted! You ARE loved! You ARE beautiful! SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!!!

AND

if you are feeling anyway other than that right now in your relationship TALK TO THEM. Tell them how you feel, and if you can’t agree on the outcome. Maybe it’s time to move on. It was for me.

I have added the link to my sound cloud if you wanted to listen to two songs I wrote about this situation…
https://soundcloud.com/carlywaddell

BREAKING UP THIS BREAKING DOWN
and
IT WAS DIFFERENT THEN

(they are old tracks..and a very old recordings…but I feel like they speak to this post)
…let’s just be REAL and talk about the darkest parts of us, and then BRING THEM INTO THE LIGHT!!!! Even a little light is a step in the right direction!!!

xoxo
-Carly

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